I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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