u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
