uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
