My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
