Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
