I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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