If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
