i permit you to call me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
