he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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