New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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