I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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