Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
