Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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