there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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