Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
