I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
