this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
