Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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