You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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