I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
