I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
