Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
