I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
