Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
