Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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