Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
