You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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