I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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