apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
