Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
