I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
