We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
