Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What a dumb baby whore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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