Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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