I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
