I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize