how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
