Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
