Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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