Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
