Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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