The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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