Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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