do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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