I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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