I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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