i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
