everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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