Apparently you make a good broom.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
