Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
