Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
