I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
