who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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