whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
