I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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