God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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