So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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