You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
