i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
