paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
