I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
